Friday, September 4, 2009

Why I hate the words "Of Course"

You know how certain overused phrases just get on your last nerve and do a tap dance? (Like the word "literally.") The one that gets to me is the preface "Of course." Here are a few ways I've heard it used by other moms recently:

Of course we're using only cloth diapers.
Of course we buy only organic baby food.
Of course I'm not drinking caffeine, since I'm still breastfeeding.
Of course I got back to the gym as soon as my doctor gave me permission.
Of course I'm breastfeeding.

I hate this phrase because it is condesending. It assumes that your way is the best and only way. And it delivers a judgment. I love the moms who just compare notes on childrearing without sneaking a judgment or a brag in. I'd like to thank Brandy, Ashly, and Molly for being especially friendly moms to talk to. They don't judge. They don't assume. It is a relief and a blessing to talk to them.

I hope this is a relief to someone out there:
We use disposable diapers. I considered cloth diapers for about five minutes, but I know myself and how long it takes me to get around to laundry sometimes.
I make baby food purees out of whatever produce looks fresh and is on sale. Or I buy frozen produce to use if I just want to try something that's not in season or available. I don't even know what organic really means. I never would have even tried making baby food if Brandy hadn't told me how easy and cheap it is to do.
I drink a Dr. Pepper every day. Sometimes two. And I've had three margaritas in Benjamin's lifetime.
I tried to go back to the gym as soon as possible but I have not been consistent. It is hard to find a new routine with a baby and it's hard to stay motivated to get in shape on days when you're bone tired. And it's hard to leave your baby with strangers at the health club KidZone when they want you to first sign a release that says "I understand that staying at Kid Zone may involve certain risks beyond the reasonable control of Kid Zone, its affiliates, trustees, officers, directors, employees, servants and representatives, including, but not limited to accidents, emergencies, exposure to reckless conduct of other persons, and/or negligence of Kid Zone's personnel, and that Kid Zone disclaims any and all responsibility for any such risks."
And finally, I do breastfeed, but I feel very blessed to be able to do this. It can be hard--hard to learn, hard to keep up. I don't know if I would still be doing it if I had to go back to work. And I don't think anyone is a bad mother if they don't breastfeed.

I think almost every mother does what she feels is best for her children. I think most of us just do the best we can with what we have. I think all of the moms I know personally are doing a great job even though they're all doing it differently. And I think we need to banish the words "of course" from our mommy-talk.


Shanna said...

Hear, hear!

Carla Hutchins said...

Okay, so I am linking you to a High School friends blog (and very soon expecting mother) who's recent blog is seeking advice. However, I found it very entertaining that she mentioned the "of course" thing also. ;) I linked her to your blog as well, because I know she would understand.

Maybe you can offer her some good advice! Let her know you are a friend of mine. :)