Who You'd Be

Sweet April Baby, this week we would have found out your gender. We would have been so excited to know who you'd be. If you were a girl, you would have been named Lily Kate. It means "flower of purity." If you were a boy, you would have been Benjamin, "son of my right hand." Since we didn't get to find out, we call you April Baby for the month of our expectation and a name that means "open." We are so overwhelmed at how God opened our hearts in love for you in the short time you were with us. I am still excited to find out your true, God-given name someday. When I was expecting you, I first thought you were a boy. But when I saw your precious body, I felt that you were a girl. Someday I will know. I know that I do not have to assure you of our love for you because you are in a place where you know fully. I try to picture you in our Savior's arms. I imagine that you have strawberry blond curls and twinkling blue eyes, dimples on your chubby arms. I imagine that you are having so much fun with Mumsie and Faye Faye. I love you so. I read a prayer the other day that I wrote several months ago, thanking God for the day you would know Jesus as your Savior and Lord. How could I have known that day would come so much sooner than I ever imagined? In the midst of my brokenness, I see you there in His presence and find hope. Someday we shall see face to face. Until then, I will never stop imagining who you'd be if you were here with me. I will tell your siblings about their sister or brother in heaven. Pray for us, little one. We love you so!