Friday, January 18, 2008

Day by Day

Today I fought tears all day long. I get so irrationally scared for people with the slightest problems in their pregnancies and I feel so panicky. I heard about a woman in town today who went into premature labor (four weeks early) with twins and it just about shut me down. I'm starting to doubt my own ability to survive another pregnancy--if I feel this way about people I don't even know, what will I do when I have my own little one to worry about again? Dr. Tadvick assures me he will see me for more than usual regular check ups when that time comes just to keep my stress level at a minimum. But will it be enough? Between now and then I really need to learn how to let go and trust God. I can't rely on my doctor to keep me sane or preserve a baby's life--only God can do it. Is this why He has me waiting? God, if you do not help me I will not be able to hold on. Keep me in your grip.

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