Sunday, October 4, 2009

Two Years

Two years ago today, I started the day giddy with excitement and ended it in drenching sorrow. For so long I tried to see the silver lining to cloudy, gray days and nights. I wrestled with questions and fear and doubt. But God showed Himself in powerful ways. I remember so many times that He showed up for me in tangible ways. I wish I could tell you all about His goodness to me in my time of need, but words fail me. So I will just borrow from others.

Job, after he lost everything, said this to God: I have heard of you by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees you.

And, my favorite passage in all of Scripture: For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. But each in his own turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. Then the end will com, when hehands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. Forhe must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.

Before I lost April Baby, I thought I knew God but it was only by the hearing of the ear. I had heard of the great things He did for others. But in my own grief, I got to see Him show up for me. My eye saw Him. For me, that is the greatest gift my little baby gave me--because of April Baby, I saw God for myself.

And because of God, through Jesus, I know I will see my baby again when the last enemy is destroyed. Some foolish, well-meaning people have told me that God must have had some reason, that it was in His plan for the baby to die. I do not accept this. I believe death is an enemy, and not part of God's perfect plan for His creation. But I also believe with everything that is in me that Jesus has overcome, that in the end, death will be swallowed up in Life Everlasting. And I believe that He works all things together for my good because I belong to Him, even things that were not meant to be.

Today I am thankful. Two years ago, I wouldn't have thought I could be. I am not thankful for the loss, just for the deepening of my faith that it occasioned. And tonight, I am praying for a young missionary who finds herself in the shoes I was in two years ago. If you pray tonight, pray for Olivia. Pray that God will comfort her in tangible ways, that she will have a deeper faith for walking through this, that God will make all of her future joys brighter because of this time of cloud.

1 comment:

David and Olivia said...

Tears are falling tonight as I read this post. Kristen sent me the link to your sight a month ago, and I'm just now getting to it today. Yet, I know God's timing for me reading this was good. Thank you for your words and your encouragement from your own loss. I am praying as well that God gives me peace and deeper faith through this as well.
Thanking God for your love and care.