Good Signs

Today I am celebrating good signs for the pregnancy. Symptoms: I cried all the way through both Father of the Bride movies this weekend; I get uncommonly tired at random times of the day; I can't get enough water. News from the Doctor: Dr. Tadvick called today and said my hormone level was good and high and he'll give me an ultrasound on Wednesday! (This is really cool since I am probably only three or four weeks pregnant and the first ultrasound is usually done between weeks eight and ten.) Freaky "prophesy" at church: Today in the nursery at church, a two-year-old boy crawled up in my lap, patted me on the belly and said, "Hey! You've got a baby in there! Do you feel it?" Make of it all what you will, but I'm feeling pretty confident today. We'll see about tomorrow. It may sound crazy, but I think I would feel better if I would have some morning sickness. I think it would make it feel more real. So as I'm praying for morning sickness and other symptoms to show up, I'm thinking how crazy I am and how I'm probably the only woman in the world who actually wants to throw up before work. Wow--feel very sorry for my husband--he has to live with this crazy all the time!

Two pink lines!

I finally got what I wanted--two pink lines! Last night I asked my husband to take me out to dinner and told him I was eating for two. He was so exited! I'm so scared. My doctor is out of town. I'm struggling with how soon to tell my mom. Yesterday she called me to tell me that my cousin Amy is pregnant. I wanted to say, "me too!" but I just couldn't. I started crying in yoga class last night during relaxation. I just kept thinking, "please don't slip away, baby--stay with me." Part of me wants to feel the full joy of it all and tell everybody. Part of me wants to wait, just to make sure. Is that a lack of faith? Is it fair to this child for me to miss four months of excitement over it because of fear? I don't know what to think or do. But hope can only go up and I'm having a hard time stuffing it down. It would be smarter to wait. But I think I won't.