Tuesday, July 21, 2009

If You Give a Mom a Muffin-top (with compliments and apologies to Laura Numeroff)

If you invite a mom to the pool, she will gladly accept because she wants to see her baby enjoy the water.
After she accepts, she will realize she doesn't have a swimsuit that fits her.
So she will take the baby with her to JC Penny where she will select two swimsuits from the sale rack.
She will need to try them on, so she will park the stroller in front of the changing room miror and strip down.
The baby will start to cry because his stroller is not moving.
The mom will have to let him cry because she is stuck in a tangle of spandex and nylon that is too small.
When she gets untangled, she will pick up the screaming baby and wiggle into her blue jeans while holding him.
She will leave JC Penny and go home.
Obviously, she will need a baby-sitter before she can shop for a swimsuit.
A few days later she will try again, but this time she will take someone to hold the baby while she tries on swimsuits.
She will not find anything at two department stores and will resign herself to the truth that she will have to go to Dillards and blow her budget.
After trying on no fewer than fifteen swimsuits, she will decide on one that is only $12 over her budget.
Looking at herself in the mirror, wearing a size 10 swimsuit, she will remember that she used to wear a size 6.
This will make her want to go work out.
So she will need something to wear to work out in.

2 comments:

molly said...

So true!!!!

Shanna said...

Nicely done! Very funny!